


but who could love me?  i am out of my mind

by marilyn_mansons_wifey_666 (orphan_account)



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sad, Sort of? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21912670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/marilyn_mansons_wifey_666
Summary: written to the song "meds" by placebo.  title is from "she had the world" by panic! at the disco.
Relationships: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Kudos: 4





	but who could love me?  i am out of my mind

Brendon woke up, legs sticky and head pounding, in a stranger’s bed. He couldn’t remember how he got there, if the sex had been good, who the stranger was. All he remembered was Ryan, big brown eyes and pale, thin limbs and pink lips and blunt brown bangs, cut awkwardly in his parents’ bathroom. “Brendon?”, the stranger called after him. But it was too late for her. He just put his clothes on faster and walked out the door. 

He walked across the busy street, almost wishing a car would hit him. But, as usual, the world ignored his wishes, and he crossed safely. He sat on a park bench. It was a beautiful day, sunny but not too hot. A gentle wind blew the branches above Brendon’s head. He looked down at a thinning patch of grass where delicate yellow flowers grew. It was past lunchtime. Brendon wasn’t hungry. The sun beat down on his neck like a noose. 

He looked around. There were other people in the park now. Children giggled as they ran after one another, scraping their knees from time to time, but then just getting up and smiling again. Young lovers kissed under the shade of beautiful trees. Brendon seemed to be the only one who wasn’t happy. It hurt. He got up and began the long walk home. Cars honked at him, splashed mud onto his boots. He didn’t care.

The sun was starting to go down. Brendon felt like he was going to vomit. He started to run along the sidewalk, ignoring the stares and the blisters rapidly forming on his sore feet. It felt as though the world was in color, and Brendon was the only thing still in black and white. Ryan had been the only thing keeping Brendon from going insane, the only thing connecting him to the outside world. And now, he was gone. Brendon stopped for a minute, staring over the barbed wire fence at the lake. Deep, dark blue water. If he were to climb the fence and jump into the freezing water right now, would anyone miss him? Would Ryan even cry? 

Blinking, Brendon shook off the morbid thought. Of course people would miss him. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. He was almost home. It was getting dark. The world would still be here tomorrow. Everything would be fine. Of course, he didn’t really believe that, but that’s what he told himself anyway. Everything would be fine. Everything had to be fine.


End file.
